A Letter to Fathers

“My son, give me your heart, and let your eyes observe my ways.” Prov 23:26

Several months ago a friend came to me for counsel. With a heavy heart and many tears he explained to me how he felt completely detached from his son. Though only seven years old, his son and he had drifted apart and his son never came to him with any problems, or concerns, for guidance, or for affection. What had happened? He loved his son and wanted to be close to him, yet as time passed they grew further and further apart. Why didn’t his son feel close to him or trust him anymore?

One thing is for sure, it didn’t happen overnight. This was a long process of a son gradually having his heart hardened toward his father. Why? Because he needed, but wasn’t getting, his father’s time. This man’s son needed his father. He needed his father to teach him how to be a man. He needed his father to teach him how to pray and read his Bible. He needed his father to teach him how to shoot a bb gun and to go hiking with. He needed his father to read to him stories and to teach him how to be godly. He needed his father’s time.

Each day we come home we have expectant little boys who have waited all day to see us. We are their heroes. We are their role models. They can’t wait to spend time with us. They want to be close to us and they want for us to show them what life is all about. They don’t need money or toys; they don’t need video games or a television. What they need, and what they really want, is us. They are desperate for our time. They are desperate for our attention.

Odds are that you are away from home 40+ hours a week. That means that the majority of your sons’ learning and activities are with mom. As wonderful as this is, it is not enough. Our sons need our time. They need to learn how to be godly men, and unfortunately they will not learn it from mothers. They can learn a lot, but to learn to be godly men they must look to a godly man, they must spend time with their fathers to show them how to be godly. They must spend time with us to know those things that men do: how to lead, how to work with their hands, and how to do those things that God has called men to do. They won’t learn it from mom. They need to learn it from us. If we do not model manhood for them, they will still learn it, but it will be someone else’s idea of manhood. Is that what we want? Do we want our sons to be like someone else?

I bet you, like me, want your sons to be like you, to stand on your shoulders, to be godly Christian men. The question then arises, “What are we willing to do to accomplish this?” My friend wanted his sons heart, but wasn’t willing to expend the time and energy that it takes to win that heart. How much are our sons worth? Are they worth spending time with when all we feel like doing is crashing on the couch after a long-days work? Are their hearts worth the sacrifice of our personal peace and affluence in order to teach them and train them in the ways of God? Having our son’s heart is costly. It will cost all of us time, and sleep, and our beloved television programs. It may cost us giving up a Saturday of baseball, or a Monday Night Football Game. But aren’t they worth it? Aren’t their souls worth anything we could possibly give?

There isn’t a boy but wants to grow manly and true at heart
And ev’ry lad would like to know the secrets we can impart

He doesn’t want to slack or shirk or haven’t you heard him plead?
He’ll follow a man at play or work if only a man will lead

Where are the men who’ll lead today, sparing an hour or two?
Teaching the boy the game to play just as a man should do

Village and slums are calling “Come!” here are the boys indeed
Who can tell what they might become if only a man would lead

Where are the men to lend a hand, echo it far and wide
Men who will rise in every land, bridging the great divide?

Nation and flag and tongue unite joining each class and creed
Here are the boys who would do right, but where are the men to lead?

SDG, Jason(Poem by 19th century pastor)